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Published May 21, 2021

"THIS IS WHY You Keep Having Relationship PROBLEMS!" | Dr. Shefali & Lewis Howes

Clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali joins Lewis Howes to explore the complexities of relationship issues, focusing on healing the inner child and reclaiming self-worth. She provides transformative insights into overcoming patriarchal challenges, setting healthy boundaries, and breaking free from unhealthy relationship patterns to foster genuine empowerment and intimacy.
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Episode Highlights

  • Patterns

    and discuss the recurring roles and patterns individuals play in relationships. They highlight how people often fall into roles like the rescuer or the people pleaser, which can lead to repetitive conflicts and misunderstandings. Dr. Shefali emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and seeking professional help to break free from them 1. She also points out that partners are not substitutes for parental figures, and projecting such roles onto them can be damaging 2.

    You have to treat it as a physical illness.

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    Understanding these dynamics is crucial for healthier relationships.

       

    Growth

    The importance of growth and therapy in relationships is underscored by Dr. Shefali. She advocates for couples to engage in therapy early in their relationship to address underlying issues before they escalate 3. Lewis and Dr. Shefali discuss how therapy can help partners become aware of their patterns and work through them together.

    Every relationship should be in therapy, whether you are at the brink of the end or trying to get better.

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    This proactive approach fosters mutual respect and growth, making the relationship more resilient.

       

    Control

    Control and possession are significant issues that undermine true intimacy in relationships. Dr. Shefali explains that many relationships are based on need and attachment rather than unconditional love 4. She also discusses how societal norms around ownership and control contribute to dysfunctional dynamics 5.

    We all wish that the world was our puppet.

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    Recognizing and addressing these issues is essential for building healthier, more authentic connections.

       

    Self Awareness

    Self-awareness is key to breaking unhealthy patterns in relationships. Dr. Shefali shares her personal experience of realizing her role in perpetuating dysfunctional dynamics and the importance of evolving beyond them 6. She emphasizes the need to understand the root causes of one's needs and not project them onto partners 7.

    We recruit people so that we can play the same emotional role we've played in childhood.

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    This self-awareness allows individuals to heal and create more fulfilling relationships.

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