Marriage Secrets from a Divorce Lawyer with James Sexton

Infidelity

Infidelity in marriages often stems from a loss of connection and unmet sexual needs, according to James Sexton. He explains that both men and women cheat equally, though women tend to do so more intelligently. Sexton emphasizes that maintaining intimacy, defined as being oneself with another, is crucial in preventing infidelity 1. He notes, "Sex is ideally tied to intimacy, but you can have great intimacies and not have a sexual relationship with someone."

Sex is ideally tied to intimacy, but you can have great intimacies and not have a sexual relationship with someone.

--- James Sexton

Lewis Howes adds that marriage is inherently challenging, with inevitable conflicts over time, but suggests that these challenges should not lead to giving up 2.

   

Divorce

Divorce is increasingly seen as a path to self-actualization rather than a source of shame. James Sexton observes that societal acceptance of divorce has grown, allowing individuals to prioritize personal happiness over maintaining an unfulfilling marriage 3. He shares his own experience, highlighting the importance of honest communication and mutual respect in achieving a positive post-divorce relationship. Sexton reflects, "I'm very blessed that the person who I was married to was mature enough to see it the same way and to have that painful but really wonderful conversation that so few people can have."

I'm very blessed that the person who I was married to was mature enough to see it the same way and to have that painful but really wonderful conversation that so few people can have.

--- James Sexton

This mindset allows for a conscious uncoupling, where both parties can move forward amicably 4.

   

Society

Societal views on marriage and divorce have evolved, impacting how individuals approach these life events. James Sexton notes that while dramatic divorces capture attention, many are amicable and involve successful co-parenting 5. He believes that understanding the human need for connection, as explored by thinkers like Esther Perel, can lead to healthier relationships. Sexton admires Perel's innovative approach to marriage, saying, "I love her work and I love the way she...wants to uber marriage."

I love her work and I love the way she...wants to uber marriage.

--- James Sexton

This perspective encourages rethinking traditional relationship models to better meet modern needs 6.