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Published May 21, 2021

"THIS IS WHY You Keep Having Relationship PROBLEMS!" | Dr. Shefali & Lewis Howes

Clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali joins Lewis Howes to explore the complexities of relationship issues, focusing on healing the inner child and reclaiming self-worth. She provides transformative insights into overcoming patriarchal challenges, setting healthy boundaries, and breaking free from unhealthy relationship patterns to foster genuine empowerment and intimacy.
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Episode Highlights

  • Authenticity

    Living authentically is a central theme in teachings. She emphasizes the importance of waking up to the lies of societal norms and embracing one's true self. According to her, true greatness lies in daring to be real and authentic 1. shares his personal journey of turning pain into peace and encourages others to embrace their truth and live free 2.

    It's your destiny to be your authentic self and to live free. So claim it.

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    Boundaries

    Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for personal well-being and authentic relationships. discusses the importance of trusting children to make their own mistakes and not projecting parental fears onto them 3. She also highlights the need to walk away from relationships where one is treated as a receptacle for others' emotional trash 4.

    You can try to become your best self and hope that that will leak onto them and they will absorb your love, your dignity, your esteem, but don't expect it and don't hold your breath.

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    Safety vs. Significance

    explores the tension between the need for safety and the desire for significance. She explains that safety is a primal need, often unmet in childhood, leading to a lifelong search for security 5. This unmet need can drive people to seek significance through achievements, which ultimately cannot fill the void left by a lack of safety.

    When you don't have that primal need met, the world is forever threatening to you and everyone's an enemy. Every moment is a disaster.

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    Reclaiming Power

    Reclaiming one's power involves moving beyond victim consciousness. explains that holding onto blame keeps individuals tethered to their perpetrators, preventing true healing 6. True empowerment comes from taking back all power, including blame, and focusing on personal healing.

    True empowerment is to take all power back, including blame.

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