This Is Why 80% Of Relationships DON'T LAST (Fix This Today!) | Esther Perel

Identity Economy

Esther Perel introduces the concept of the 'identity economy,' where the self is fragile and constantly under pressure. She explains that modern society's focus on self-help and self-care has made the self more vulnerable to being overwhelmed and shattered 1. This shift has led to a network society where commitments are loose and everything must be negotiated, from career choices to personal relationships 2.

The freaking self has never been more fragile. We are constantly making sure that it doesn't get overwhelmed, that it doesn't get triggered, that it doesn't get violated, that it doesn't get shattered because it stands there alone like the little Dutchman with his finger trying to hold back the dyke.

--- Esther Perel

Lewis Howes adds that this constant identity quest is a new phenomenon, contrasting with past societies where roles were more clearly defined 2.

   

Evolving Expectations

Expectations in both personal and professional lives have evolved dramatically. Esther Perel notes that we now seek from love and work what we once sought from religion and community, such as transformation, meaning, and purpose 3. This shift has made emotional and social skills, once considered 'soft skills,' essential in the workplace.

Work has become an identity economy. It's not just what am I going to do, it's who am I going to be?

--- Esther Perel

She also discusses the importance of understanding whether one was raised for autonomy or loyalty, as this can significantly impact relationship dynamics in both personal and professional settings 4.