Before You WASTE Your Life Away, WATCH THIS! | Van Lathan & Lewis Howes

Validation

Van Lathan Jr. opens up about the lifelong quest for validation from his father, a pursuit that shaped his identity and actions. He recalls striving to meet an impossible standard, which led to a period of self-neglect and weight gain after college 1. Van's father believed that validation equated to complacency, pushing him to constantly strive for more 2. This relentless pressure was intended to make Van a man who was both feared and respected, mirroring his father's own values.

It was impossible for him to validate anyone because nothing meant anything to him.

--- Van Lathan Jr.

Despite achieving significant milestones, like winning an Oscar, Van never felt acknowledged by his father, who remained oblivious to such accomplishments 1.

   

Healing

Healing conversations with his father allowed Van to reassess his perceptions and the stories he had constructed about him. A pivotal moment came when Van shared a story about a hunting trip, revealing a lie he had held for decades 3. His father's unexpected understanding and laughter during this exchange marked a turning point in their relationship. Van realized that his father was aware of more than he let on, which challenged Van's long-held beliefs about him 4.

I know when you lying. I'm your daddy.

--- Van Lathan Jr.

These conversations highlighted the complexities of their relationship, where understanding and acceptance were often unspoken yet deeply felt 5.