If You Want To Find The Perfect Relationship, WATCH THIS! | Esther Perel

Ambiguous Loss

Lewis Howes shares a deeply personal story about his father's tragic accident and the subsequent 17 years of ambiguous loss. He describes the emotional rollercoaster of having his father physically present but mentally absent, and the constant health scares that kept him in a state of uncertainty. Esther Perel explains that this type of grief, where one cannot fully mourn because the person is still physically there, is known as ambiguous loss.

This is ambiguous loss, what you just described. Can't grieve, can't mourn. Because he's there, but he's not there.

--- Esther Perel

Lewis reflects on finally being able to grieve fully after his father's passing, feeling a full range of emotions and finding acceptance in the process 1.

   

Healing Journey

Esther Perel discusses the nature of healing and how certain triggers can reactivate old wounds. She emphasizes that healing doesn't mean the complete disappearance of pain but rather a shift in how one responds to it. Lewis Howes and Esther talk about how past traumas can resurface under specific circumstances, illustrating the ongoing nature of healing.

The notion that when you heal, something utterly disappears is one component of healing, but the other part is that you need a bigger trigger to reactivate an old wound.

--- Esther Perel

Esther shares her own experience of living with a sense of dread, which resurfaced during the pandemic, highlighting that healing is a continuous journey 2.

   

Emotional Depth

Lewis Howes opens up about the emotional depth he has experienced since his father's passing, including a more profound spiritual connection. He talks about the importance of having a safe environment to express a full range of emotions, especially for men. Esther Perel notes that while people don't need to justify laughter, they often feel the need to justify crying, which is a natural response to sadness and loss.

It's hard for people to really fully say yes if you can't fully say no. And it is hard for people to fully laugh if you can't also cry.

--- Esther Perel

Lewis and Esther discuss the societal pressures that prevent people from fully expressing their emotions, particularly men, and the importance of embracing emotional vulnerability 3.

   

Lessons in Shame

Lewis Howes recounts a childhood experience of stealing and the intense shame he felt when caught. He describes the humiliation of facing the person he stole from and how this incident taught him a valuable lesson. Esther Perel shares a similar experience, emphasizing how shame can freeze a person in their tracks.

You freeze the shame.

--- Esther Perel

They explore how these early experiences of shame shape one's behavior and the importance of addressing and understanding these feelings to heal 4.